The power of exercise as a recovery tool for PTSD

Mindy, a Veteran with PTSD doing Jiujitsu.

Mindy Mackay had a successful career as an Electronic Warfare Operator with the Australian Army when traumatic work experiences left her struggling to function. Whilst doing rehab, Mindy discovered a love for jiujitsu that helped her rebuild her life.

I spent six and a half years in the Australian Defence Force and was not in a good place when I medically discharged. I’m so happy to say that today, I’ve almost completed my healing process and I’m living a great life in Queensland with my teenage son.

Like many people who join the military, I didn’t have a great family life growing up so I was looking for a career with structure, where I could defend my country and community.

I joined the Australian Army in 2003 as an Electronic Warfare Operator in Signals Corps. I really enjoyed the work and the opportunities it gave me. In 2008, I was selected to travel to the Middle East to undertake specialist training to enhance my Arabic linguist skills.

I have to be honest and say that trip was a huge culture shock for me. Women were treated very differently in the area where I was based and without going into too much detail, I found out the hard way that I needed to be hypervigilant to what was going on around me for my own safety.

So, when I headed back to Australia after 4 months of living in the Middle East I was already experiencing a high level of stress and anxiety. Then one of my close friends and neighbours on base was sexually assaulted by an ADF colleague and found myself drawn into the criminal proceedings that followed as a witness.

The court process was awful and sadly justice wasn’t done. I walked away feeling disillusioned and hopeless because the employer I’d entrusted my life to was no longer my safe place.

I became extremely unwell and was medically discharged from service. I ended up becoming reliant on anti-anxiety medications. I had a couple of inpatient stays in hospital where I received TMS treatment which worked well but then I’d leave hospital and return to my regular life circumstances which sent me back to where I started. My relationship was failing, and I blamed myself.

Thankfully I was able to access DVA rehab services which helped me understand that what I was experiencing was “normal” for someone with PTSD and that there were things I could do to get on the path to recovery.

My psychiatrist weaned me off the anxiety medications safely and prescribed me exercise with a Veteran Health group as I had been quite sedentary for some time. The exercise kickstarted my brain and I decided to undertake DVA rehabilitation. My treating psychologist suggested I consider university study, so once my rehabilitation coordinator was certain my medical needs had been taken care of, he helped me apply for DVA university funding.

I started with a bridging course to get into the swing of things. The rehab team warned me that the uni environment was very different to what I was used to in the military, and I did find it quite challenging at times, but I really loved learning so I decided to continue on and study a bachelor degree in Biomedical Science. I’m so happy I did that because I got to meet so many awesome people and now I have employment opportunities I didn’t have before.

During my time with the Veteran Health group my exercise physiologist reintroduced me to the martial art of Brazilian Jiujitsu.

There's a lot of push pull in jiujitsu and you’re moving your body in different ways. The fitness, confidence and self-esteem that came from that helped to rewire my brain.

You get this sense of mindfulness - of flow - where all you think about is what you're doing at the time or what the next immediate move is. Your brain can't think of the awful stuff that's happened or what you've got to do in the future. Sometimes before training I feel like things are terrible and I’m ruminating and overthinking and then I'll have a roll and realise what I was worrying about doesn't really matter.

Jiujitsu has also helped me to process my trauma. I was scared and untrusting of men for a long time and after I had been training a while I felt my sense of power and control returning. You can easily hurt someone when doing jiujitsu, so you have to really trust the person you’re rolling with. I have mutual respect with the men I train with and I’ve formed healthy friendships with them.

The amazing people I have met through university study and jiujitsu changed the way the Army conditioned me to perceive ‘civvies’. In the Defence Force you’re trained to believe you’re stronger and better than those who are not in the forces, and I believe this mindset can impact how you respond to the civilians who are trying to help you like doctors or physios or even friends and family. It can mean you limit yourself to a small circle of people who may share the same unhealthy behaviours.

Jiujitsu has also allowed me to help other veterans. At the end of the session we’ll often sit there and just talk on the mats. I’ve had lots of conversations where others have opened up to me about not feeling great and I’ve been able to share my experiences and point them in the right direction.

What’s interesting is how many veterans feel they don’t deserve help because they’ve not been deployed or seen active combat. I remind them that even the training we do in the armed services is dangerous - you could die doing that training. I help them understand that’s it’s normal to feel the way they do and that lots of us are in the same situation.

When I look back, the point I started getting better was when I decided to take ownership of my own mental health. I was so angry when someone first told me I needed to be accountable for my own part in my traumatic events and shift my victim mindset but now I’m the one giving that advice to others! You have to decide your own path and get to the point where you're sick of feeling bad all the time and genuinely want to make your life better.

Connection with others is also really important. I have made a lot of other random veteran connections on online forums and social media sites. Whether it be having a laugh at dark humour memes, or whether it be connecting with veteran owned or veteran family owned businesses and then ending up with friendships and then meeting up from there.

When I’m listening to others I can see if someone is quite sad and in those cases, I try not to give too much advice and just listen and validate their feelings. I used to get frustrated and just tell them what I think they should do, but now I remind myself that everyone has their own mental health journey and we all take our own time getting to the recovery part.

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