High school was a struggle… the noisy classrooms, the social expectations, the endless demands. When I first started skipping school and flunking out of class it was put down to my early diagnosis of bipolar at 14 and the trauma I had experienced from a young age.
My undergraduate degree was similar, and I found it really difficult to be in class; the noise, the social expectations, the endless demands.
It wasn’t until I started learning about the lived experience of autism that I started to explore whether that’s what was going on for me too. I related a lot to most aspects, but particularly sensory difficulties, the need for routine and having difficulty knowing what to do in social situations.
After years of unsuccessful therapy, I took myself to a new psychologist. This time to do a comprehensive assessment. I learnt that while I do have bipolar and complex post-traumatic stress disorder, I also have autism and ADHD.
I learnt about how I was overstimulated in the classroom, I learnt about how high-masking I had been and how much social interaction took out of me, and I learnt about executive functioning and how trying to manage the endless demands were impacted by my neurodivergence.
I’ve since started seeing a neuro-affirming psychologist and started to learn ways to work with my neurodivergence and complex mental health challenges together. I’m now a lot more gentle on myself because I understand that my brain is not neurotypical, and that it’s okay for me to require accommodations in my life.
I’ve now completed two postgraduate degrees which I have done online to avoid the classroom setting. I work a full-time job that’s been able to make accommodations like putting my desk in a quiet corner and having dimmer switches above me so I’m less overstimulated.
In my personal life, I have a set routine for myself which helps keeps things semi-predictable.
I don’t eat foods with weird textures or strong tastes and the people around me have an idea of what my ‘safe’ foods are. I wear clothing that is comfortable for me. I plan my social outings in advance so I can prepare, and I give myself recovery time if I’m going to be in an overstimulating activity or somewhere that requires a large amount of masking.
Importantly, I’ve found friends that I can unmask with and just be myself, friends that understand and support my neurodivergence and complex mental health and allow me to show up as I am on the day.
Juggling neurodivergence and complex mental health challenges can be tricky. I’ve learnt that if I don’t take care of my neurodivergence then my mental health can become worse.
It’s sometimes treading a fine line between what’s helpful and harmful, but the more I learn about myself, the easier it becomes to take care of myself. The more I take care of myself, the more I thrive.
Meg
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