We often do this because we’re not sure how to respond if the answer is ‘No’. But that’s certainly not helping your friend, and it reinforces the reluctance or stigma we feel when talking about mental illness.
Five tips for responding to someone who is doing it tough
- A simple, ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ is a good response. You might follow this up with, ‘Would you like to talk about it?’ to open up the conversation if the time and situation is appropriate. If not, agree on a more suitable time to talk.
- Sometimes it can help to mention any changes you’ve seen that have caused concern. For example, if someone seems more withdrawn than normal (which can be a symptom of depression) you could say ‘I’ve noticed that you’ve not wanted to come out much lately. Is there something worrying you?’
- There is great comfort to be given by simply listening and caring. There are often too few opportunities in our busy lives for connections based on these simple kindnesses. Sometimes, too, people find it easier to talk when doing something like going for a walk, rather than sitting across a table from someone.
- Focus on asking questions rather than trying to provide answers. Giving people a chance to share their experiences and voice their concerns without judgement is of great benefit. It helps people to feel less alone and more hopeful. Remember that responsibility for finding solutions does not lie with you. The best solutions are generally reached by the person themselves.
- Check whether they are connected to professional support. If someone is thinking about suicide it’s especially important that they know that help is available. Their GP can make a referral to a psychologist, or Lifeline is a good option for telephone and online support 24 hours a day.
Remember a conversation could change a life and the simple gesture of compassion can have a profound effect on someone who is going through tough times.
More to read . . .
- Self-care after someone discloses suicidal thoughts
- Busting the myths about suicide
- Supporting someone having thoughts of suicide
- Self-help if you're feeling suicidal
- SANE Guide to Staying Alive